speak up

I'm the kind of person who doesn't speak a lot.
who sits in the corner in seminars...
or read books in parties..

It takes time for me to process the words,the sentences in my mind before i speak.
I don't usually talk to people i barely know,
let alone speaking up my mind.
Well don't blame me for being such a shy kid,
blame it on my gene(i guess
Genes affect behavior, isn't it?)

I just couldn't get myself to start a conversation with a total stranger,
For me, it's impossibly difficult to make new friends in a new place...
to turn to some stranger and say"Hello"

I have attempted to talk to someone...
But it's always:
What is the time now?
or
What school are you studying in?
and after that, it's the awkward silence again...
I'm always thinking what to say...but i seemed to have thought too much...
so they always leave before i open my"golden mouth"

Of course i'm disappointed...

How many times have i tried...

i worked hard to socialize...
i even prepared lines before i go to somewhere new...

it just didn't work...